Get Distracted! How the Simple Technique of Distraction Can Aid Recovery From Sex and Porn Addiction (updated 29/9/22)
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Ever tried working out two sums at the same time? Or reading a book whilst having a conversation? Dual-tasking like this is not something we generally do is it?
Our brains are largely equipped to handle one cognitive process at a time, excepting where we practice really hard. For example, we can drive a car whilst having a conversation (although the laws on mobile phone use whilst driving is based on the notion that this is risky as many have discovered to their cost). Of course we can physically multi-task at a simple level or learn multi-tasking at a higher level, say on a production line. Generally speaking we accept as normal that we do one thinking thing at a time. How often have you heard others saying, 'Just let me finish this', or 'I can only do one thing at a time'.
Applying this to addiction we would acknowledge that it would be difficult to be looking at sexual imagery online or trawling through dating sites whilst doing other activities that require cognitive processing and / or physical movement - such as learning to play an instrument or working out on a punch bag. This tells us that the 'distraction' method or techinique will be of great benefit in interrupting and disrupting an addiction cycle. If you are busy doing a, b or c then you can't be acting out.
Distraction techniques provide two hugely beneficial benefits to addicts; those of keeping them safe from acting out, and the contribution to re-wiring the addict brain. With each time the addict brain is re-directed to a task other than acting out behaviours there is incremental strengthening of neural wiring for healthy new habits. See module on the neuroscience of sex and porn addiction here: https://esteemtherapyyorks.co.uk/counselling/free-resources-for-sex-and-porn-addiction---module-2
Like all strategies to break addiction, use of the distraction technique in sex and porn addiction needs commitment and practice. The biggest challenge is in switching to the distraction activity at a point in the addiction ritual prior to reaching a 'point of no return'.
Usually this is when the addict brain is dopamine-triggered and becomes very reluctant to give up the quest for a fix. This is why 'willpower' alone does not stand uo against addictive urges. Commitment is required so an addict can say 'My over-riding goal is recovery so I will do something else instead - right now'. Repetition through practice will make the switch more natural whilst reinforcing the benefits of self-regulation such as reducing shame and increasing feelings of self-worth.
Addicts can be helped in the distraction technique by understanding the 2 different sorts of distraction and when they can be applied.
Firstly, there are 'instant' distractions. These are quickly accessible and require little or no planning or resources. Examples include a walk, household chores, cooking the evening meal or watching a film. If the distractions are required or even urgent, such as sorting the washing out or fetching the groceries, then they have more value. Apparently meaningless tasks seem to have less value so might not cut it when it matters. However, this varies from person to person - some of my clients have found they can use any activity as they can see value in anything that keeps them from relapsing.
Secondly, there are 'planned' distractions. For most of us these are passions, hobbies and pursuits which we engage in for amusment, health and social benefits. But for an addict they are primarily better ways of using free time thereby dramatically reducing the opportunity to engage in addictive patterns. Planned distraction can be anything from allotments to kayaking to volunteering (see my blog on 'FLOW' activities here https://esteemtherapyyorks.co.uk/post/bad-flow-bad-good-flow-good--this-switch-will-instantly-help-sex-addicts. Planned distractions are a stealth tactic as they gently nudge the addiction aside without the fighting - addiction just doesnt happen anymore. We can see this proven in other aspects of addicts' lives - when they go on family holidays they rarely act out as there is no time!
One of the strongest challenges with adopting the distraction technique arises when clients say 'but I don't have any interests or hobbies outside my addiction'. A simple list of instant distractions can be quickly assembled to help greatly in the mini-crisis of resisting cravings. Planned distractions need more creative brain-storming so that activities of real motivational interest can be identified. Long-term recovery depends heavily on a shift into new life-enhancing pursuits. I have elsewhere written of 'flow' and how this emanates from immersion in activity that requires concentration, some skill and above all enjoyment - blog on FLOW experiences; https://esteemtherapyyorks.co.uk/post/bad-flow-bad-good-flow-good--this-switch-will-instantly-help-sex-addicts.
To support addicts' take up of the distraction technique I have created some Distraction Packs. These would suit addicts struggling with their focus on the technique and / or also generating ideas for activities and hobbies. There are about 120 cards in each pack which enable addicts to personalise the distraction technique to their unique circumstances. These are currently available for free - please email me and I will post out to you. In return I ask only for feedback on your use and any results.
