I am probably telling you something you already know and I also recognise that the nature of addictive and compulsive behaviours means that this knowledge will be conveniently discarded (or distorted) to permit ‘acting out’. But it has to be said anyway – not everyone sees the news every day and miss the messages out there but also part of the fight against sex and porn addictions is amplifying the negative consequences as a protective measure.
In the news this week there are two cases; one involving murders of young men seeking sex online and another involving the blackmail of men who have been lured into revealing themselves intimately via their webcams to scammers. One case is clearly as extreme as it gets – and there will be thousands of unreported cases of physical, psychological and emotional abuse hidden behind the headline that we don’t know about. Whatever they are, we can see the obvious – that on-line hook-ups for sex are potentially and highly dangerous to life, limb and mental health.
In the extreme first case above, the murderer, “Stephen Port used a string of fake online dating profiles and was very active on social media. He met his victims via apps such as Grindr, expressing a sexual preference for young, boyish-looking men he called “twinks”.” (courtesy of the Guardian).
In the second case above, common social media platforms such as Skype and Facebook were used to quickly ‘groom’ victims into a completely fake sexual liaison and then use the intimate screen grabs taken from webcams to scare them into paying out thousands to keep their online secrets from family and partners. This ‘sextortion’ is only going to increase in scale and as the National Crime Agency says, the only way to protect yourself is ‘Don’t do it!’. In other words stay off online channels for seeking sex – it’s not safe out there and the risk is definitely not worth the sexual gratification obtained.
In my sex and porn addiction work I know those 3 words “Don’t do it” are not enough when compulsive behaviours are involved. But if you are going online via apps, websites and social media just remind yourself of the possible risks to your safety and also to your family life, employment and finances. If you can’t stop then seek help, ring or text us, or visit our online service website www.esteemtherapyonline.co.uk. It might be tough for you to admit to needing help and sharing some (but not all) of the intimate details – but it will be safe, beneficial to you and family, and most likely a lot easier than you think.