Perhaps the answer to this depends on your moral standpoint or what your values are. Or maybe porn use is a generation-sensitive activity ie the internet makes it more ‘normal’. Whatever your personal response to this question is, the fact remains that there are some aspects of porn use that we can be absolutely certain about.
Firstly, it is neither ‘normal’ nor ‘abnormal’ to be looking at porn in terms of social expectations or law (I am excluding child abuse material). It is a feature of our world so people are left to make their own choices when there are no ‘rules’. This is a danger in itself as often left to our own devices we do the least healthy things!
Secondly, when you are single the answer is more straightforward – in effect, you are free to do what you want, provided of course that it is lawful and doesn’t harm you or others.
Thirdly, we know for sure that when you are in a relationship things change. Now, there is another set of morals, values and expectations to take account of. Suddenly porn becomes unwanted, damaging and carries negative consequences for the partner of the user. In short, porn use becomes an issue.
Perhaps we can at least say then that decisions about porn use are conditional or relative to the circumstances. Certainly, one of the biggest reasons that clients seek sex and porn addiction treatment is due to the negative impacts of porn use on their relationship. Partners usually see porn use as seriously infringing intimacy in the same way as an affair would. Sadly, porn users really know this but find ways to deny it and fall prey to their porn habit over and over whilst all the time increasing the betrayal and need for more and more deception.
When single as well, the circumstances will at times make porn use an issue. When porn use is soaking up too much time and important things are neglected; when real relationships no longer seem as easy or exciting as porn; or when the secret guilt and shame of porn use becomes overwhelming – then negative consequences make the porn use excessive and compulsive when single as well. Porn use becomes the driving force in your life and over-rides ‘normal’ healhy choices.
So to come back to the question of ‘is porn use normal?’ – this can’t be answered simply by assuming ‘all men do it’ (an urban myth?) but by looking at the negative impact on the normal functioning of your life. If you are over-riding commonsense, sacrificing other life goals, and using irrational decision-making to get to porn all the time – it’s time to get help.