Sex and porn addiction - the basics explained...

Sex and porn addiction - the basics explained...

What is addiction and when does it become a problem?

We are all addicted in some way.  We all love our routines, our favourite rituals and habits, perhaps a favourite drink such as the coffee we need at work, or a particular food, or even a place we like to visit frequently.  Addictions become a concern when they progress to being both unhealthy and out of control.  An example is gambling where the craving to gamble leads to serious loss of money and leads into serious debt.  Addictions are also a problem when they affect your relationships and you find yourself sacrificing the needs of your partner or children to pursue the addiction. Sexual addiction is usually linked to one of the following:

·        Porn – on/off-line images and film

·        On-line dating and chatting

·        Virtual and real-time use of sex workers 

·        Sexual encounters with strangers – physical and by phone/texting/web cam

·        Multiple relationships/partners

·        Affairs – brief and over-time

·        Over-frequent masturbation

·        Sex clubs and parties

·        Group sex and swinging

·        Unwanted demands on a partner

A feature of harmful addiction is a pattern of escalation from less harmful acts to those that are likely to have a serious impact.  An example of this would be the use of on-line porn which progresses to chatting on-line (sometimes after paying) and then escalates further to meeting people face to face.  This type of pattern shows that you are becoming less and less in control of your behaviours and urges and may be in need of professional help for addiction.

Where does addiction come from and why you?

There are many theories about how we get caught up in an addiction and obviously it depends a lot on individual circumstances.  One very well-documented idea is that the addiction becomes a way of self-soothing, escape or distraction from painful experiences and memories.  These experiences, past or present, usually lead to problems in managing emotions which then lead to a need for addictive behaviours.  It requires careful work with a professional counsellor or therapist to trace back to the source of the difficult emotions which underpin the harmful and addictive behaviours and then put in place a treatment and recovery programme.

In some areas, such as sex addiction, opportunity also plays a key role.  For example, the internet has increased massively access to porn and virtual relating.

How does your treatment for addiction work and how will it help me?

Assessment of your addictive behaviours and compulsions.

Firstly you will want to know if you are addicted and to give you an accurate assessment we look at: frequency and type of behaviours, impact of the behaviours on your health, relationships, work and life goals, levels of escalation of the behaviours, and your ability to manage any cravings and triggers.  Assessment will involve looking at the behaviours themselves but also exploring carefully your background, upbringing and experiences that may have had a bearing on your emotional and psychological state.

Behaviour management: putting in place effective controls and techniques to manage triggers.

Addictions take time and commitment to manage but initially we can agree a plan to reduce and control the most damaging aspects of your behaviours to keep you and important aspects of your life such as family and work as safe as possible.  This will enable treatment to take place most effectively.  We will guide you in putting successful controls in place so that you can protect yourself against the cravings, urges and compulsive feelings that the addiction brings.  This will involve understanding what triggers your need to indulge in the addictive behaviours and learning skills to reduce their control over you.

Develop understanding of and resolving issues at the root of the addiction:

If addiction is your problem we will explore different aspects of your experiences past and present to develop insights into what purpose the addiction is serving.  This will point to important areas that the therapy can concentrate on - examples might be low self-esteem, stress, relationship issues or general unhappiness with your life's direction and your achievements.  Sometimes getting in control of the addiction requires dealing with trauma memories where we would use EMDR and other techniques.

Personal skills and strategies:  

We will help you develop ways to manage the addiction such as new thinking skills and identifying potential avoidable and unavoidable triggers and techniques for avoiding relapses into addictive behaviours.  We will also look at your goals and aspirations for your future and find ways to enjoy a healthy, fulfilling lifestyle free of addiction.  

Making changes that last: 

Finally we will focus on helping you to make permanent changes in areas of your life that are leading to addiction.  For example, you may need to explore the bigger picture of your life: your work, relationships and long-term goals and whether or not these are consistent with your personal values.