Partner Suspicions - What To Do
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Partner Suspicions - What To Do
You may be a partner who suspects their boyfriend or husband is acting compulsively with sex or porn and wondering what to do. Firstly, act on your suspicions in one way or another before anything gets out of hand. Often compulsives need help and need to be 'discovered' or 'outed' to help them deal with the issue. If there is nothing going on then nothing has been lost, except your worry. If your partner denies everything then ask to go through their search histories on all devices and mobile phone records so you can both rest easy. If he resists then this might be a sign of something more sinister.
You can consult with someone professionally experienced in this area - here at Esteem Therapy we offer a free 15 minute screening consultation for that very purpose. Websites such as ATSAC or yourbrainonporn.com can provide information or links to therapists with the added bonus that they are trusted sites that deal with the issue of sex and porn addiction sensibly and calmly.
If this is something that has been discussed before and seems to have returned or perhaps just been hidden well then there is a strong suggestion of an addictive pattern or other underlying issues for your partner. Without help these can easily escalate into more serious behaviours carrying disatrous consequences. Calmly approach your partner about your suspicions ('I am getting worried and concerned that..." or "I have noticed that...") or simply ask if everything is alright or if support/help are needed.
You could plant the seed for your partner to start thinking about getting counselling and coaching for sex and porn addiction and point to the websites mentioned above or here at Esteem Therapy. This idea that people specialise in helping with this problem helps 'addicts' gradually accept that they have something that is widely recognised and come out of a state of denial.
The final resort for a partner is to suggest a period of separation. This incentivises addicts to do something as they realise their behaviors are beginning to have serious negative repercussions. Getting back together should be dependent on addict partners demonstrating they are making the necessary changes.
Remember that sex and porn addictions are out of control, compulsive behaviours and as such they can be addressed by structured work (solo cold turkey rarely works) and eventually (3-9 months) become history.
