Bad Flow Bad, Good Flow Good - This Switch will Instantly Help Sex Addicts

Bad Flow Bad, Good Flow Good - This Switch will Instantly Help Sex Addicts

FLOW experiences

Flow is a word used to describe an optimal or peak experience.  If you can master regular use of good flow experiences then you will have one of the most potent weapons against addictive behaviours on your side.  By achieving flow experiences you will boost your feel-good neuro-chemicals so that negative feeling states are less likely to occur and when they do can be managed with ease. 

 

An important distinction has to be made between ‘good’ and ‘bad’ flow experiences before you start counting sex and porn experiences as peak and optimal experiences! Actually what we are talking about is that a ‘bad’ flow experience is really a fake flow experience – whilst it feels like it has all the attributes of a flow experience, it is quite distinctly different.  Firstly a ‘flow’ experience is by definition one which is good, beneficial and rewarding.  A fake flow experience may feel like flow but is not beneficial and more likely to be damaging – getting intoxicated on alcohol, high on drugs or escaping into the virtual world of porn might feel like optimal peak experiences but they are value-less in terms of long-term benefits.  Switching from fake flow experiences achieved from porn or sexual acting out to good flow experiences arising from fulfilling and rewarding activities is the essence of recovery.  Find your good sources of flow and you will have another formidable tool to win the addiction battle.

 

What makes flow?

If you are in a state of flow you are said to be experiencing the following;

·        Complete concentration and focus on the task to the exclusion of other things

·        Clarity of goals and reward in mind and immediate feedback on accomplishment towards those

·        Distortion of time (speeding up/slowing down of time)

·        The experience is intrinsically rewarding and is an end in itself

·        Effortlessness and ease due to training, practice and familiarity

·        There is a balance between challenge and skills – the skills are well developed, enough to push the challenges within the activity

·        Actions and awareness are merged so there is less conscious thinking

·        There is still a feeling of control over the task – confident and semi-automatic

 

Examples of flow-type experiences

• Participating in a competitive sport or game (squash or chess) or a challenging solo physical activity such as
• skiing or climbing.
• Being engrossed in a hobby, interest or pursuit such as painting, model-making or home DIY
• Learning a new skills such as playing a musical instrument or juggling
• Becoming highly proficient in a skill or activity such as writing, drama, motor racing, water-skiing, sailing or a martial art.

A flow experience is achieved through a combination of focussed concentration, intense enjoyment, deep immersion in the activity and a lasting sense of achievement.  In a flow experience time becomes immaterial and other things seem to have either stood still or moved on more quickly.  Importantly, flow experiences have a positive effect on the neuro-chemicals linked to feeling-good states – dopamine, serotonin, endorphins and so on, and unlike sex and porn they provide these as a bonus on top of the sustained enjoyment which comes from the accomplishments associated with flow experiences.

To safeguard your long-term recovery, find one or two flow-giving activities that will captivate, fascinate and motivate you, not just whilst you’re involved in them but in their planning and post-activity reflections and satisfactions.

For further tips of shifting to good flow experiences please see our 6-point treatment plan:

https://esteemtherapyyorks.co.uk/counselling/free-resources-for-sex-and-porn-addiction---module-4